


5 Times Jason Taught Yuzuru Memes + 1 Time Yuzuru Used One To Get Laid

by 3ALover



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Brian Says Fuck A Lot, Canon Compliant, Comedy, Gen, Longsuffering Brian, M/M, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 10:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18990796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ALover/pseuds/3ALover
Summary: Brian was usually grateful that Tracy talked him into bringing Jason to Canada in spite of the risks it involved. He was very excited to learn, he was always on time, he was possibly the easiest skater Brian had ever had to deal with, even if usually Tracy took over his training, and he was great at helping out others. All in all, Jason was a great addition to the club.The issue, however, was that since he could explain them in Japanese, he finally succeeded in doing what tons of young skaters had tried to do for a long time: teach Yuzuru memes.Brian hated the internet.





	5 Times Jason Taught Yuzuru Memes + 1 Time Yuzuru Used One To Get Laid

**Author's Note:**

> Exactly what it says. I love the idea of Yuzuru and memes for some reason. I'm happy with the ones I chose so I hope you are, too!

Brian was usually grateful that Tracy talked him into bringing Jason to Canada in spite of the risks it involved. He was very excited to learn, he was always on time, he was possibly the easiest skater Brian had ever had to deal with, even if usually Tracy took over his training, and he was great at helping out others. All in all, Jason was a great addition to the club.

The issue, however, was that since he could explain memes in Japanese, he finally succeeded in doing what tons of young skaters had tried to do for a long time: teach Yuzuru memes.

Brian fucking hated the internet. 

 

1- Fuckboys

“What does it mean if a boy messages me asking if I’m ‘D-T-F’?” Evgenia asked one morning while they were taking a water break.

Jun laughed suddenly, and Yuzuru frowned in confusion. Jason, however, just snorted. “It means he’s a stupid fuckboy who thinks he has a shot at sleeping with you and thinks you’re DTF- down to fuck.”

Evgenia scoffed. “Ew, Boys are so gross. Also, what’s a ‘fuckboy’?” she asked. 

“A jerk who thinks he’s hot and popular and deserves girls to like him,” Jun answered. 

“I don’t even know this guy, why would he be such a gross creep?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

Yuzuru, however, leaned closer, looking at the photo. “Well. He is cute,” he offered. “I would be DTF with a face like this.”

Jason cringed. “Oh no, Yuzu.” He patted him on the arm and swapped to Japanese for him. “Guys like that aren’t the type of guy you want to hook up with. A cute face is one thing, but if he’s creepy enough to slide into some girl’s DMs thinking he can get some, it’s the kind of guy that will like ask for nudes and then show them to people as revenge porn when you dump him for being an asshole, or the type that will never stop calling or messaging you and then get angry when you block them.”

Yuzuru blinked, nodding slowly. “Oh. Okay. So strange men asking if you’re ‘DTF’ are usually not good guys? What did you call them?”

“Fuckboys,” Jason said, and Yuzuru hummed, nodding.

“I know ‘fuckboys’ before,” he said in English for Evgenia. “Yes, Jason right. This bad guy. Block him,” he advised. “I am lucky. I do not do internet as myself. I have fake twitter to see what other skaters say and some fans, and I have in profile that I am a teen girl. Men send me messages asking for picture of nakedness and I do not even have fake face picture,” he said, grimacing. “Fuckboys,” he agreed.

“Yep, you got it!” Jason said with a smile. 

~

Conrad and Joseph had joined them for a late night group session due to a rescheduling issue that day, and when Yuzuru overheard them talking, he frowned. “I dunno, man. I keep messaging this girl, but she just won’t respond. I hate being left on read. She just won’t answer me when I ask her stuff.”

Conrad hummed. “I dunno, I don’t really have that problem. Most girls kinda just jump at the chance to hang out with me since I’m so handsome,” he said with a wink.

Yuzuru grimaced. “Ew,” he said, and they looked at him. “Why you both being such fuckboys?” he asked, then skated off, shaking his head. Teenagers were just bad.

“What the hell did I just hear?” Brian cried out, and Yuzuru stopped, turning around. “Did you just say ‘fuck’?” he asked in confusion, and everybody stopped.

Yuzuru shrugged. “Yes? It’s okay. I know they are not _real_ fuckboys. They are sweet most of time, but being gross teenage boy now.”

“What the hell is a fuckboy?” Brian asked, looking so fucking done with them all.

“It hard explain in English,” Yuzuru said, patting his shoulder. “Ask Jason later.”

As he skated off, he didn’t see Brian looking at the ice like he wished it would just swallow him up now.

 

2- Right in Front of My Salad?

Brian tried not to take calls while he was supposed to be working, but when his phone rang and it was Raj calling, he answered it just in case something was wrong. “Hey, Honey, everything okay?” he asked. He rolled his eyes when he noticed the kids all heard and were snickering at him. 

“Don’t get too worried, nobody is hurt, but your sister called. She said your niece was in a car accident and asked if we could look after your nephew. I’m on my way to pick him up now and wanted to ask if you were okay with take out for dinner since he’ll be staying over and probably upset since his sister had to go to the hospital to make sure she’s really okay.”

Brian frowned. “Sure. Is the really alright?”

“Yeah, they said she just has minor scrapes and bruises but they want to make sure she doesn’t have a concussion just to be safe. You can call them when you get home.”

Brian sighed in relief. “Good. Okay, sure. I’ll be home after I finish this last session.”

“Okay, see you then. Love you.”

“Love you too, Dear,” he said, then hung up.

When he put his phone away the kids finally burst out laughing and he rolled his eyes. “Stop being children.”

Jun shook his head, making a face grimace. “Honestly, Brian. Right in front of my salad?”

Most of them laughed but Yuzuru just frowned. “You are not eating?” he asked in confusion, and Brian was glad he wasn’t the only one confused.

Jason however, just laughed. “No, it’s a meme. Like, if you’re out with a couple and they start making out while you’re just sitting there and you’re like ‘really guys? Is this necessary?’ only the meme is “right in front of my salad?” like you’re offended someone’s doing something gross while you’re eating.”

Yuzuru looked still a little confused but nodded. “Ooooh okay. So Brian being gross and icky flirting is ‘omg, right in front of my salad’? I get it.”

Jun high-fived him. “Yes! Another meme we taught you!”

“Are we just going to ignore the fact that Brian saying ‘I love you’ on the phone is ‘icky’ to a bunch of young men?” Tracy asked, raising and eyebrow in amusement. “You’re mostly adults. Honestly.”

Yuzuru gave her a very serious look. “Tracy. Brian is old. It gross to remember old people do romance stuff. It like seeing Mom kiss Dad.” He mimed gagging. “So icky.”

“Yeah, I’m with him,” Jun said, and all the others nodded in agreement.

Brian sighed and shook his head. “Well, if I’m so old, you guys get to remind me how young people can do triple axels until their legs are numb!” he said, and they all groaned as he made them get out onto the ice.

~

The problem was that after learning that particular meme, Yuzuru decided it was the best thing ever and said it to every-fucking-thing and drove Brian crazy. One day Jason landed a _killer_ quad sal that rivaled any quad sal Javi ever did, and Yuzuru just groaned, since he kept falling on his all day. “Really, Jason? Right in front of my salad?!”

Jason just cackled and slipped on a mark in the ice, falling to the ice and holding his belly laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world, not the most annoying. Brian really didn’t understand kids. 

 

3- Get This Bread

Yuzuru was, quite contrary to popular belief, not a morning person at all. He was used to staying up until way past midnight playing games and talking to friends from around the world. He didn’t get out of bed before ten in the morning for anything but a flight to catch. He _hated_ waking up early more than he hated anything in the whole world. When a very tragic scheduling issue meant that he, Jason, and Evgenia had to come in at _seven_ for jump training, Yuzuru woke up at five in the morning and wanted to die. 

He dozed off in the car on the way to the rink – he was not taking a bus before dawn – and he was barely able to keep his eyes open as he shuffled to the rink. He mumbled a greeting to Tracy and almost wished he didn’t hate the stuff when he smelled her coffee. He longed for the sweet nectar of the caffeine gods but knew it was so gross he wouldn’t drink it even for the caffeine. 

“Alright Yuzu-kun!” a loud, cheerful American voice sang out. Jason was jogging in place, already wide awake. “Let’s get this bread!” he said, holding his hand up for a high-five.

Yuzuru couldn’t even bring his hand up high enough so he just gave up. “I hate you and everything about this morning.” He blinked sleepily. “And what bread? We’re skating, not shopping.”

Jason laughed. “It’s another meme. People call money ‘dough’ and that changed to ‘bread’ and usually people say ‘let’s get this bread!’ as like a ‘alright time to go to work!’ thing. So for you, this ‘bread’ would be gold medals.”

Yuzuru hummed. “Okay. Cool.” He then proceeded to lay down on the floor and wait for Tracy to come yell at him for falling sleep on the floor instead of warming up.

~

When Brian was tired and cranky after taking care of his nephew and his nightmares all night, the last thing he wanted to see was Yuzuru jumping in place excitedly because it was his favorite type of training: training for that goddamn quad axel. “Alright!” Yuzuru said, running over to Brian excited. “Wake up sleepy eyes! We gotta go get this bread!” he said, cheering as he rushed out onto the ice excitedly.

Brian wanted to find Jason Brown and choke the life out of him because he knew damn well where Yuzuru learned that.

 

4 - Snatched Wig

Brian often had Yuzuru, Jason, and Evgenia doing jump training together because Yuzuru had good technique and wasn’t really worried about Jason watching him train since Jason wasn’t yet at his level and Evgenia was also trying to learn the same quads Jason was working on. Because of this, Yuzuru often got to see them have breakthroughs and cheered for them. He loved Jason’s skating and wanted him to be a true rival in the near future, and Evgenia had always been a favorite of his since she was that cute little girl gushing about holding hand to bow her first senior gala. However, when Jason landed a quad toe triple toe combination, instead of cheer for him like Yuzuru and Brian did, Evgenia just squealed and yelled, “Oh my God, wig snatched!” and ran over to high-five and hug him. “That was amazing!”

Yuzuru frowned. “What did you say? I do not understand. You do not have a wig?” he asked, looking at her hair suddenly wondering if maybe she was secretly bald or something.

Jason burst into laughter and Evgenia leaned on his arm, giggling so hard her face was turning red. “Oh my God, no, it’s a saying,” Jason said, skating over to Yuzuru. “‘That snatched my wig’ means something just blew your mind and was so incredible you are just shocked. And sometimes people are just like ‘wig snatched’ to be even more dramatic,” he explained.

“Ohhhhh,” Yuzuru said, nodding. “So, she say this because you have amazing combination?” he asked, and Jason beamed.

“Yes, also thank you,” he added sincerely.

Yuzuru grinned and patted Jason on the back. “Come on. You must do wig snatching combination again. Soon you will be able to beat me!” he teased, and Jason just rolled his eyes and blushed.

“Oh, whatever,” he said, skating off to try it again.

~

Brian had barely noticed Yuzuru was on the ice when Jun landed a big, perfect quad lutz while Yuzuru was cooling down from his own training, and he gasped as he saw such a beautiful jump. “Oh my God, that really snatched my wig!” he gushed, clapping for him.

Brian looked at Yuzuru and frowned. “Wait, what?” he asked, looking at him in confusion.

Jun skated over and hugged Yuzuru. “Thank you! I’m getting really good at it being fully rotated! I’m so excited!”

“You’re going to be amazing,” Yuzuru said, patting him on the arm. “Good job, Jun.”

“Wait, wait, wait, what did you yell at him?” Brian asked. “What the hell are you talking about, a wig?”

Jun giggled. “Jason taught him a new thing. He explained snatching wigs.”

“Doing what to huh?” Brian asked, already feeling dread.

“It make sense if you ask Jason,” Yuzuru said simply, then skated off to continue cooling down. 

Brian just sighed and put a hand over his eyes. “Jun, let’s go again,” he said, trying not to think about the crazy shit his kids got up to.

 

5- Yeet

Yuzuru was sitting and putting his skates on in the locker room while Conrad tried to explain something to Jun. “No, you just like, you grab the girl skater and yeet her into the air and she has to land. Pairs skating just seems way too hard,” he added.

“Yeah, but she does the jump still, you just yeet her for more height and distance,” Jun said. “So really it’s probably not harder? Maybe harder for her than for a girl single skater, but for the man, pairs looks easier. You just have to be strong to hold her over your head and yeet her.”

“What is that word?” Yuzuru asked, very confused. “What is ‘yeet’?” 

Jason laughed from his locker. “Oh my God, that one is old enough I can’t believe nobody ever explained it to you.” He shut his locker, distracting Yuzuru with his shirtless torso as he walked over. Yuzuru _really_ needed to get laid. It was getting sad how distracted he got by Jason’s hot body and he didn’t even like Jason that way. “So like, I think it started as just a word, maybe, but now people use it like a slang word for throwing stuff. So when they said ‘yeet’ the lady skater, they mean throw her. They’re just teenagers so yeet is totally common for them.” He sat down beside Yuzuru to put his own skates on. “And sometimes it’s like varied, not straight ‘throw’. Like, last night Shoma sent me a text saying he hated everything and wanted life to yeet him out of existence because his mom walked in on him watching porn-“

“Ew, I don’t want to hear that!” Yuzuru whined. “Seriously, right in front of my salad????”

Jason beamed, holding his hand up for a high-five. “Good job! We’ll making a true millennial out of you yet!”

“Oh God, that’s right, you guys are millennials. You’re so old!” Jun said in horror and Jason rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Centennials,” he said with a mocking sigh and Yuzuru decided learning one thing in a day was good enough than to ask questions. 

~

Brian glared. “If you try another triple axel after all that jumping, you will hurt your ankle. Yuzuru, don’t you dare-“

“YEET!” Yuzuru yelled, throwing himself into the air and landing it horribly, though the cackling as he slid across the ice probably meant he wasn’t hurt.

Brian shook his head. “You’re a pest. Also what the hell did you just yell at me?” he demanded.

Yuzuru sat up, giggling like a child with his legs spread and his hair ruffled. “I not yell at you. I yell ‘yeet’ because I yeet myself into the air!”

Brian opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing. “Let me guess. That’s not Japanese is it?”

“No, it internet thing!” Yuzuru said excited as he stood up. “I love it. Like, I throw my glove I yell ‘yeet’ and it so funny!” he said, rubbing his tummy as he laughed.

Brian just shook his head. “Fucking Jason.”

 

+1- Rub My Butt and Tell Me I’m Beautiful

After a while, Jason didn’t even have to teach Yuzuru memes, Brian discovered. Yuzuru liked them so he decided to get on the internet and find new jokes and memes and whatever the hell those things were all on his own. Brian almost daily heard some new stupid internet shit coming out of Yuzuru’s mouth. His favorite one, sipping his water and saying ‘but that’s none of my business’ was so stupid and yet he always found it hilarious to use it when it didn’t even seem to apply. Yuzuru all the time walked around saying shit like ‘right in front of my salad’ and telling someone something snatched his wig or yelling ‘yeet’ before every fucking jump.

Brian was ready to kill someone, and he wasn’t sure if it should be Yuzuru, Jason, or himself. 

It only got worse when Javier came to help out with a camp and Yuzuru, having his friend back, just had to show him every fucking internet thing he had learned all the time. It was also worse because Yuzuru seemed to have hit some fucking second puberty and was always whining about how unfair it was he had two hot guys in the locker room now and it was a distraction. He wandered around saying shit about how he should have a boyfriend because he’s prettier than anybody else at the rink but was unfairly single. 

The worst part was when Yuzuru forlornly flopped onto the bench beside Javier while Brian and Javier talked, and announced loudly. “Why am I single? I’m cute and sexy!” He whined, ‘swooning’ for lack of a better word, onto Javier’s shoulder, making Javier put an arm around him to hold him up. “I just want somebody to rub my butt and tell me I’m beautiful,” he sighed dramatically.

Brian rolled his eyes and started to say something about him interrupting, but much to his horror, Javier smirked down at him and slid his hand down Yuzuru’s side until it was full on resting on his fucking ass. “Hey Yuzu, want to come over to my hotel room to… play video games, tonight,” he said, making it very fucking obvious he did not plan to play video games.

Yuzuru’s eyes widened and he blushed, but bit his lip. “Really?” he asked, and Javier _squeezed his fucking ass_. “O-oh. Yes. I like this idea.”

“I do, too,” Javier said in a low, husky tone, the two of them looking like they were two seconds from fucking right there in the open.

Brian scoffed. “Seriously, you two? Right in front of my fucking salad?” he asked, and then froze, horror dawning upon him as he realized what he just said. Yuzuru burst into laughter at that and Brian just turned and left. 

He made his choice. He was definitely going to kill himself now.


End file.
